All scripture is profitable for... reproof...

Recently I have been going through the process of deciding what the next step in life will be for me. I am sure you have been there before at some point, so you know it is a time of asking questions; trying to sort ideas, dreams, desires, goals and expectations. Life seemed to be heading one direction and I started making plans and allowed myself to get excited at the possibilities only to have God tell me no when I asked for clearer answers. 

To say I was disappointed would be significantly understating my emotions. I didn't understand what God was doing or why He seemed to allow me to walk down a path only to tell me to turn off it as soon as I started running. However, since there was nothing I could do about it I put it behind me and kept walking, looking for the next thing... or so I thought.

A couple of sundays ago I was sitting in church, partially listening and partially allowing my mind to wonder over plans and questions, when the Pastor asked if we had ever had God's plans differ from ours, or had God ever choose a path we would not have taken. As you can guess I thought to myself: "Oh yes! I know exactly what he's talking about."

Then  he spoke of  several examples in scripture of God asking people to do seemingly silly things, such as asking a tax collector to give up his comfortable life style to come follow Him. (I found it ironic that several of his examples had to do with life decisions) After giving examples of people's responses to God's direction in their life he asked if we accepted God's answers graciously. Were we willing to follow God's leading despite the cost, or direction, especially when it is not something we would have chosen.

Through these comments and the verses he pointed out God grabbed my attention completely, telling me I had not been gracious about His answers for me. Yes, I was 'doing the next thing' but my heart wasn't in it, and I was allowing myself to harbor a bad attitude while adopting a false sense of choosing the right thing. 

Verses such as: these people draw near to me with their lips but their hearts are far from me, and Love the Lord your God with all your heart... popped into my mind, followed by the verse: All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

God wanted more than just outward compliance, He wanted me to trust Him with my heart. Though people might be fooled He wasn't... He wants me to be complete, thoroughly equipped for whatever He has next, but I need to let go first. To be honest about my emotions, not pretend to be happy about it all, but to acknowledge I was having a hard time with it, and to trust Him in the mist of my own confusion. 

I can't say I'm completely there. I know if I could see from God's perspective I would be happy about His decisions because they are ultimately for my own good... I am just glad He is patient with me till my heart gets there, and continues to work in my life in spite of my attitude. I am so glad we have a God that cares enough to reprove us when we need it, and one who cares enough to understand when we are confused.